I struggled a bit in my mind when I made the decision to run Berlin.
If I hadn’t come to Berlin, in the first half of this year I could have collected a lot of accolades; if I stayed in my comfort zone, making the Asian Games team wouldn’t actually be hard. But none of that is what I want.
Rather than stay in the comfort zone, I still wanted to chase records — I’m skipping the Asian Games; many athletes have improved a lot in recent years; but among active runners, I’m the closest to the record: 74 seconds.If I don’t go for it, then for the next few years no one might dare to say, “I’ll go after that record.”。
©ByronYu
So I gave up all those comfort-zone things. No one forced me — it was my choice, voluntary and proactive.
Why Berlin? After weighing options, only Berlin was most suitable: the course is flat and consistent, and it’s where the most world records have been set. Also, racing overseas puts you on the same start line with many athletes who are better than me or at a similar level — that competitive drive pushes you forward. At home there aren’t courses as suitable, there aren’t runners stronger than me, and it’s hard to line up the right weather.
The idea to run Berlin came after last year’s Tokyo Marathon. I ran 2:20:53 then, 74 seconds off the record. I thought:
“Being this close to the national record, why not go for it? I don’t want to look back someday with regret — why couldn’t my past self have tried a bit harder?”。
80 seconds, and an unavoidable menstrual period
On race morning when I woke up, I felt like the sky had fallen.My period started. I had calculated the timing before and thought it would come after the race. But I forgot to account for the time difference — Berlin is several hours off from home, and by domestic time it was actually afternoon. So when I woke up in the morning I was completely stunned.I ran the first half aggressively, but I was still a few seconds slower than in Tokyo.I’ve always been the type to make up time in the first half — I’m not a negative-split runner; if the first half isn’t fast, the back half may not speed up.At the start I was running 3:13–3:14 pace; for a while I was 80 seconds ahead of the record pace.But I knew inside that my condition wasn’t right today. After 30 km, everything below my waist felt especially heavy, and my legs wouldn’t pull. One kilometer slipped to a 3:23 pace — although the numbers still looked within that range, my body was telling me: I simply couldn’t hold it.Actually, after 30 km I looked at my pace and I stopped hoping. I thought: do my best — just finish the race.Before the race I had planned for two months of preparation, but in the end it was only one and a half months. Those two weeks when my form was coming together I had to taper down to race. In my whole preparation cycle there were five sessions that went especially well — two long runs and three intensity sessions — much better than before Tokyo. In one 30 km session I ran 3:39/km at 1,500 m altitude.But the cycle was too short — my body wasn't in the condition to break the record.。After finishing I didn't feel totally spent; it felt almost like a training session. But I was genuinely disappointed. Crossing the finish line I thought: this result is so poor — it doesn't match my preparation cycle or my own expectations."I'll even personally crash into the south wall."
Many people have asked me why I insist on hitting that wall.At the 2023 Wuxi Marathon, He Jie broke the men's marathon record. That day was the first time I thought about the record.At that moment I thought:The men broke the national record — why can't the women's record be moved a bit?Seventy-four seconds — you could say that's long, and it is; but you could also say it's short: spread over each kilometer it's just a bit more than one second. That's how I've closed the gap little by little — first from 10K, then to the half, then to the full marathon.Since I joined the team at 16, Coach Zhang has told me, "Shunzi, you should aim for the national record." Back then I thought: what does that have to do with me? It felt too far away.It wasn't until after Tokyo last year that I took the initiative and told Coach Zhang, I want to go for the record.He was quite surprised, as if he thought I had suddenly grown up. Before, he used to push me: "You must win the title, you must go for the record." Now I'm the one saying: I want to go for it, I want to push for it. Since then he basically doesn't need to worry about my training — give me the plan and I'll execute it.Before coming to Berlin, Coach Zhang told me, "It's okay if you don't break it, just do your best." I told him, "Coach, I can't think like that. I have to think — this is my last chance. Only with that mindset can I push forward and aim for the top."That's just who I am. Even if it's the south wall, I have to hit it myself. I don't believe what others say — I have to go up there myself, try it myself, and see how far I am from the record.Those voices, and the three weddings not yet completed
I read some of the comments on social platforms myself; some of them did make me angry. But because I know clearly that I was the one who voluntarily backed off, not that I couldn't run anymore, when I saw those words I thought:You don't know me at all.But I won't explain anything. No matter how much I explain, they won't want to listen — they'll only hear what they want to hear. So it doesn't matter; I'll just focus on myself.One more thing — I got married. This year I have three wedding ceremonies in total: one in my hometown, one in Kunming, and the Changchun one hasn't been held yet. Why three? My hometown is over 500 km from Kunming and even farther from Changchun, so relatives and friends from both sides couldn't all attend; we had to split them up.After the wedding, once everyone knows you’re married, you instantly feel a lot of pressure. I used to feel like a kid and didn’t have to handle family matters; now it’s different. With my own household, you have to shoulder responsibilities for parents on both sides.My husband has been incredibly supportive — he knows what I want to do and that no one can change me, so he gives me his full support. Both sets of parents have followed my rhythm: training and rest come first, household matters come later. I don’t have to worry about any chores; I just need to train and rest well. But being married does make my shoulders heavier.2:19:39 is still my target.
